And here comes that
good great news folks! After tirelessly working for over a year and a half to become Asia’s leading tech and startup publication, The Tech Portal has now finally launched a Mars only edition. And long-standing (and perhaps the most popular as well) Martian Matt Damon has been brought in as the Editor-In-Chief of this latest edition.
Talking about this edition launch, Matt Damon said,
Well, its really great to be associated with folks at The Tech Portal. These guys are a hugely talented and dedicated lot. Anyways, I’m really getting bored out here considering that NASA is really not coming to pick me up here. Also, I’m done with growing these silly potatoes using my own s**t ! I mean come on guys, can you even eat that down there on Earth ?!?!?!?
A puzzled, and rather agitated Damon was later calmed down by our Earth Editor-In-Chief Deepanshu Khandelwal, who obviously seemed overjoyed with this announcement. He added,
This is really a great deal ! I mean, we want to be to tech publications what ISRO has been to space agencies — cheaper than any other damn Martian thing out there yet getting the job done. Investors are anyways now more eager to invest in Jupiter-HQed startups, thus making this Mars Edition launch a really great deal.
As a part of our Mars edition, we will be sending you exclusive stories around tech and startup on the red planet. Our team of writers will be hovering around various Martian craters, beaming down exclusive details and coverage on each of them and the startup community that is thriving on those craters.
A lot of innovative ideas (like that app which beams laser to help you get fourteen-pack-abs, prominently used by the Khans of Bollywood) have come from the red planet, and we wish to bring in all those stories in our popularly loved writing style, right here to people on earth.
Also, as a part of this launch, a lot of companies have been brought in to The Tech portal as partners. Uber for instance, will be helping us book SpaceX shuttles on a priority basis via its app. Priority was important, considering that a lot of shuttles have been extremely busy in ferrying Indian PM in his inter-galactic travels (sir, please leave a few for us!).
Similarly, we have partnered with India-based cloud telephony startup Knowlarity, for helping us in inter-galactic communications and to help us get 18G Internet access down on Mars, considering its actually tough to even check mails out there. Along with that, Knowlarity is also launching a brand new ‘Inter-galactic Translator’ application (or IGT) that lets you interact with people sitting on Mars, Venus and Neptune. So yes one can even interact with your Martian girlfriend now.
Pitch Off Season 4, Crater 56| Mark V Is Here !
Yup, that is the naming convention we had to adopt to, considering that there are like a hell lot craters on Mars and we are organising a Pitch Off on each one of them ! Talking about this latest edition, Pawas Jain, Co-Founder Blue Box Media (owner of The Tech Portal) said,
This is good. This is really really cool and good. I must say, this is fantastically good and really really, really cool. I mean, just look at this, how cool and good PitchOff is now ! Pitch Off is undoubtedly really really good and cool !
Yeah, thats all he had to say — must be done with life after organising so many PitchOffs across the universe. PitchOff is now a parallel universe competition, more details of which we will be out on our earth edition on April 3rd, in Jaipur, Rajasthan, North India Division 4, Quota 78, Earth, Sun, MilkyWay.
And yes, we though to make an April Fool’s Prank rather funny and obvious and not wind up into something which even the biggest search giants have put themselves into (;P)